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How adoption finalization of our beautiful baby daughter went at the courthouse on National Adoption Day.
A lot has happened since the last blog post. As you know we've been placed with a little three month old boy, and in addition we were placed with his older three year old sister. They share the same bio mom, and they wanted to keep the siblings together. However, she only ended up staying with us for a few days and then she was reunified with her mom. It was determined by the court that baby, however, was not really bonding yet with bio mom, or gaining weight under her care. We have been able to get him to start eating more and so he has gained weight under our care. So for the time being he will be staying with us. We're not sure how long that will be or where it will lead, but we really like the little guy and are happy to provide for him a safe home. So, you read in a previous post that we did not want to change the birth order in our family, and yet we took in a three year old while our bio son is two. We did this because they wanted to get the siblings together, and we wanted to keep caring for the three month old. So we said yes to caring for her. It was an adventure. Also, she really liked her little brother and knew him well, so that was another reason they wanted her to be with him. While she was in our home she played pretty well with our son. Day time was loud and busy, and meals where a lot more work; but for the most part it was just a louder and busier household. Also we had to deal with tantrums every once in a while. For example they would fight over who's baby brother the three month old was. Our son would say "my baby!" and the three year old would say "that's my baby brother." This was very sweet, but it started to become a fight so we explained to our son that he was his friend, but her baby brother. They would fight over toys here and there, and it was good for our son to get more changes to learn how to share more, but it started to become a tantrum. We explained to our son that he is his friend, and her baby brother. They would also fight over toys here and there, and that was good for our son to be around so he can have more opportunities to learn how to share, but it was challenging. The other challenging thing was bedtime. The first night went pretty smooth, the three year old girl was scared at first when we left. We found out she was scared of the dark, so we turned on a lamp for her and she was ok. She did say, "do you promise to come get me in the morning, even if I don't wake up?" That was sad, but we said, "yes we promise to come get you, and we can hear you so if you need anything we'll come right down. She went right to sleep, but the next night was not so easy. That afternoon a little before bedtime she had a visit with Mommy. Her mom had given her some gum, which we thought was nice and said to her "oh you have such a nice mommy to give you some gum," but we couldn't let her go to bed with gum. My wife explained to her how the gum could end up in her hair if she went to sleep with it in her mouth, and that we wouldn't be able to get it our of her hair so we would have to cut your hair. She wasn't buying it. After a long back and forth my wife had to take the gum from her, hoping not to get bitten. She mom had given her more, so we told her that she could have more gum tomorrow but not while sleeping. She fell asleep eventually, but our usual ten to fifteen minute bedtime routine took about an hour that night. So that was a little rough. If you really want to hear about some challenging bedtime situations though, you need to check out the Foster Parenting Podcast with Tim & Wendy. They have two little girls who have given them about as much of a challenge as I can think of for bedtime. I'm mentioned it before, but this podcast is a huge inspiration for my blog and podcast - so I'm plugging it again.
The next day after that rough bedtime we were going camping for the weekend. We were going to leave in the morning, but that day there was a court date in which the decision of the children being reunified was decided. The social worker felt like they were holding us up and told us to just go ahead and go camping. We decided, however, that the kids probably wouldn't be getting in good naps while camping so we laid them down for a nice long nap around noon at home before leaving. Then when they woke up a few hours after the hearing was to have taken place we had not heard from them. So we decided to pack up and head out. About a half hour out from our house we received a call letting us know that the older three year old sister was to be reunified immediately with birth mom. So we took an exit, turned around and drove back into town. They met us in a hot parking lot, about 45 minutes after we arrived there, and she rode off to go back with her mom. We were happy for her because she had been saying how much she missed her mommy, but it was also sad. We felt bad because we had been telling her that she was going camping with us, and she didn't want to go home at first because of that. She wanted to go camping with us, but then we told her how excited her mom was to see her again, and before she left us she was happy to be going home. The camping with one infant and our son ended up being a lot easier. We had a blast riding a four wheeler, and camping out in the middle of nowhere in tents with friends and family.
One awesome thing that happened the first night camping was that the baby slept through the night for the first time. Wonderful right? That said, one of the dogs was up barking at something at 5:15 to the whole camp was up for the day around the campfire and making breakfast at 5:20, but still he had slept through the night. We had not been looking forward to getting up in a pitch black tent to make a bottle and feed. It may have woken our son up, it would have been really hard to see with just a small bottle, but we were able to sleep. He slept through the night the next day as well. Our two year old did really well to, which was great. We didn't know how well he would do in a sleeping bag, but he did great laying next to me while the baby was next to my wife in a bassinet. We were on a blow up mattress between them. One cute thing - we've found our son asleep on the floor a couple times since the trip, and when my wife has asked him, "what are you doing down here on the ground buddy?" he has responded "I'm camping." We thought that was pretty cute. We're going again in a couple weeks. One thing we thing has contributed to the baby being able to sleep through the night is having him on a schedule. It has helped him to eat more, and there for sleep for longer periods of time. Again, my wife is amazing, and our foster child is doing so much better thanks to her getting him on schedule. we have changed him from someone who snacks all the time to someone who chugs up to six ounces in one feeding.
When we were going through the P.R.I.D.E. training classes, which was meeting for about 4 hours at night twice a week for a month, we were told that as soon as all your paperwork goes through, they are going to call you. This is because there are so many kids in foster care waiting for homes. As an example I found this information my local paper's website at: http://www.spokesmanreview.com/ourkids/stories/?ID=186795Fostering hopeSo we were told all of our paperwork had all gone through, and that everything was complete. I thought for sure that we would be getting a call that afternoon, but we didn't get a call. I told my wife, I'm sure we'll hear from them tomorrow, give me a call when I'm at work and tell me all about it. We had talked about exactly what age and level of special needs of children we would both be comfortable bringing in to our home, especially for the first placement. So I called her the next day at lunch, and there was still no news. So she called them. They said, "oh yes, I don't have your name and number on here, I guess I should hit refresh for new foster parents." Our name was now in front of them. They simply had not hit refresh. I'm sure the reason they had not hit refresh is that these honorable people are extremely busy, you've heard the stats. So rest assured, once you are certified, you will get that call. If it's not right for you, don't worry about it because you'll get another call, and if that one's not right, you'll get another call. There are so many children who need safe homes.
Taryn Brodwater and Jody Lawrence-turner • Staff writers
Published April 27, 2007 in The Spokesman-Review
In Washington, there are 5,841 licensed foster homes, according to the Children's Administration. It would take 30 to 40 new families each month to fill the need for foster care in Eastern Washington, Rogers said.
About 80 children a month are placed in foster care in Spokane County alone. Two years ago, that figure was 30 kids a month, according to Rogers.
"As a recruiter, I'm not asking people to take in 10 children," Rogers said. "But if everyone would make a difference in one child's life, that would be huge. This community really needs to step up for the children." - Linda Rogers, a Spokane foster parent who has also adopted and recruits foster parents for a 13-county region, including Spokane County.
The case that was brought to us first we were told would be a good first placement for us. A little guy had been taken away from his parents a few months after birth, and had been with a foster family for quite a while. He's coming up on being a year old, but this other family wants to bring in a sibling of another foster child in their care. Both of these siblings are special needs and they did not think they would be able to handle two special needs children and this little guy. So we said, yeah, we'll take him. We were told that we would probably get him the next day, but that the court was waiting to decide if he could be reunified with his parents who have been doing all the right things to get thier little boy back. Within a few months they would be able to get him back. When we got the next call, however, the parents who have been caring for him decided to keep him so he wouldn't have to go through the trauma of being placed in a brand new home after living with them for half a year, and then being reunified a few months later with his parents. Very commendable I'd say. So that's good news for the little boy. As we learned in our training, the number one goal of foster care is reunification. Before I go any further, I want to talk about the feeling I had after hanging up the phone with my wife when we thought we would be getting our first placement the next day. It was encouraging to see my off the cuff reaction when my wife called me and told me about this child and, at that time, that we were going to get him the next day. We would have him for a few months and then he will be reunified. So I heard about his situation, and what he was like, and the reaction I had immediately after hanging up the phone with my wife was just pure excitement. I was giddy. That felt great, it was so reassuring. I know that it's going to be different than I'm expecting, and that it's going to be challenging, not just sunshine, and bottles; but I was truly excited. And that felt great. I thought, you know, we are doing the right thing. I have gone over it so many times in my mind, and have felt that it is what God is calling us to; but knowing what God is calling you to do and being excited about it are two different things. So it was really cool to have that reaction.
When my wife and I first started talking about becoming foster parents, I went to the web to try and find stories of foster parents and foster children. I wanted to know what their experiences were like so that I could get a picture of what it might be like. The fear of the unknown was looming over me. That little voice inside my head keeps whispering, "What are you getting yourself into? This won't be easy, just stick to what you're doing now." I combat that with the thought that even if I can impact one child's life in a positive way, help them learn to bond, give them hope, or just provide a safe place for them to grow, then isn't that so much better than being comfortable? It's not going to be easy, I love being comfortable. In fact I'd go so far as to say that an idol I struggle with is comfort. It's the American way, but it's not the biblical way. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and I never like driving anywhere unless I know exactly how to get there. I love routine, knowing exactly what's coming. I never like attempting things unless I know I can succeed in them. I don't know how I'll do as a foster parent, but the only way to find out is to try. Still, it's very hard for me. Luckily my amazing wife is very much a doer, and she thrives in chaos and diving into things head first. She goes into situations with the confidence that she'll figure it out. I'm learning this confidence, and she's learning that sometimes it's better to stop and think about it before diving in head first. we make a good team. James 2:2-11
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.
James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.